I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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