Sober January is a disaster.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
