Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
