You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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