Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I puked a lego.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
