Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We talked him into tasing himself.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
