It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize