my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
PANTIES FOUND
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
