So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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