I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
