So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
