So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
