South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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