Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
