She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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