Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
