I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Watching her eat just hurts me
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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