no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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