Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
