a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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