I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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