great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
