I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize