Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
