I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
