my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
