Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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