I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
