The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
