I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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