Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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