am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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