Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
