He uses pillows to masturbate.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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