Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
