i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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