Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
