At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
