I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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