Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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