It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
