hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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