I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
