Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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