Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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