I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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