That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
