so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
