how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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