I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
