I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
