I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
