The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
