No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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