so let's talk penis.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
