please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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