OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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