I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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