all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
