Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
