She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
