i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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