Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
