Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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