Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
