Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My life is pants optional.
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