Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize