Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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