Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
