he wants to bone in the snuggie
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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